Divorce??????????????????

Ok, let's say you just had a huge fight with your spouse. When you have fought before he says that he says things out of anger when you argue. This time he says that he is going to file for a divorce the next day. You ask him if he is serious or just mad and he says a little of both. The two of you sit down and talk and agree to work things out, but you keep wondering about his divorce comment. He has said this before. Does he really want a divorce or does he just say it to make you shut up?|||he says it to shut u up. if he wanted it he would get it. any normal person would. the fact that u guys even argue shows that u care about each other. when it turns into a fight it's because u aren't understanding eachother and both just want to be HEARD. well he says i want a divorce and u definately hear that one! he wins, fight stops, end of story. he loves u, he's having a hard time communicating with u right now. and i guarantee u, half the time u talk to him, what he hears out of your mouth is not what u mean to say. men listen very literally and take everything personally! so if u say something like "ur always late" he says "ummm i was on time on friday? see! nothing i do is good enough" etc..etc... anyway, no he dosn't want a divorce. try talking to him in a nicer way. :) good luck|||He's probably saying the first thing that pops into his head, and with most people, it's what they think will hurt the most and what will end the issues the quickest. In this case I think he was just frustrated and verbalized it. I get so angry with my boyfriend sometimes I want to tell him to just not come home anymore, but then I realize it's just for the moment and I made a commitment to him for the rest of my life, good and bad.|||if you were in the kitchen making dinner like you were supposed to be, none of this would have happened.|||Sorry but he definitely means it! he wants divorce becasue it comes from inside. do not waste your time.. leave each other now. sorry for bad news but it's a fact you should not ignore. you will divorce anyway sooner or later.. good luck!|||Like he said, a little bit of both. Maybe he does want one, but maybe he doesn't because he likes you cleaning or the head or the lack of, or doesn't want to pay for divorce, especially with kids. Or maybe he doesn't want to be lonely. Sounds like he has some major problems. I think when people joke around with something that serious there can be some truth to it. Maybe seek a marriage counsler if you really love him. Good Luck.|||It sounds like you guys might need marriage counseling, so that you can both learn how to disagree without it becoming a knock down, drag out, all out fight where you start hitting below the belt and saying things (even in anger) that are meant to hurt your spouse. I don't know how long you guys have been married, but I've been married over 20 years. Yes, my hubby and I have said (in anger) that we have each had it with the other, and we're filing for divorce. Obviously, we've never done it. We've reached the point though in our marriage that we both know when we're about to reach the point where we'll say something we really don't mean, and we've learned to agree to disagree for the moment, put the argument on hold, and separate for a bit so that we can each cool off.





Your husband saying that he was going to file for divorce was probably a way to get you to quit fighting, and to regain control in the argument--at least that's what our therapist said when my hubby said it. He needs to realize just how destructive to your marriage that is though. Hopefully you guys can see a marriage counselor for just a few times, and you'll learn a lot about each other, your marriage, and how to make it even better. Good luck to you both!|||men say things to hurt us really bad at times so if you are really concern about this. you guys should sit down and have a serious talk because to be unhappy with each other you are better off not stressing your self out because he mention the D world.





Good Luck|||People do not say things they do not mean even when they say they do. My guess is he has been wanting a divorce for some time now. The only time he has had the nerve to say it is during an argument. |||my sincere advice to u - next time he says he wants a divorce u say fine, i want it too. let's start with u moving out now. he was bluffing and played u like a violin. don't let him do that. when somebody threatens u with divorce u do not beg for mercy and sitting and talking. u say fine, let's do it. cos in that case u get the upper hand and he will need to start crowling back|||people have different personalities, and people will mean different thing for the same exact same phrase.





i would say, most likely, he meant it at that moment. however, it is not what he wants. it is like saying, i feel i want to kill my boss now. but in reality, it is not that i want to put a poison in his coffee and really murder him.





i am against elevating things (like saying, yeah, go ahead and file for divorce). the fight turns into a stubbern fight. you might end up divorce just to please your ego. this is the silliest type of divorces.





i am also not with begging and playing the poor side type.





i am with telling him "look, divorce is an escape of reality. don't even consider it. we might have problems with each other, but we want each other and we should find a way to do it"





if you are still worrying about his comment, you can ask him indirectly


like during warm happy day, when you feel things are working well:


" look i never want to divorce you and i know you dont want. let's promise if we ever reach this stage again, we will work things out, not escape to something that we both dont want to"





so, even if he thought about it, he will feel silly and change his mind|||my dad threatened always to my mom. but one day she finally had enough and walked out on him. i mean, my dad always said it but i think at the time he just didnt want to be lonely. its hard to say whether he's serious or not, ppl do say mean hurtful things out of anger. but, you should ask him again. say i know we're going to work things out but i cant get tht divorce thing out of my head. can we talk about it? and see where he is coming from and why he said it. while he may have been angry, when we're angry we say things we always meant to say, you just never meant for the person to actually hear it. or you thought about it you just never said it because you were'nt sure if its what you really wanted. so he got it from somewhere. just talk to him about it see where he's coming from and let him know how you feel, you both will feel much much better.





--jazzie